First things first, before we begin, I would like to point out that this selection of songs is a personal choice of what I believe to be some of the worst songs that reached the number one spot in the UK during the 1990’s. They lead me to question what on earth the public were thinking in buying these in enough quantity to get it to the top spot. For those of you reading this from the UK you may well remember these songs, for those outwith some of these songs you may well have never heard of before, but check the videos and I am sure you will understand exactly why I feel that these are awful. Oh yeah, comments always welcome oh and if you do find yourself actually enjoying some of these songs well………. (better not finish that sentence. lol)

Teletubbies Say “Eh-Oh” by the Teletubbies

Ok I admit, the Teletubbies was a huge smash-hit on television, aimed at very young children. The antics of Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Lala and Po were loved by toddlers but pretty much loathed and ridiculed by adults. Now considering that toddlers have no money and are not able to go into a shop and request to purchase this song then who on earth actually did. The kids parents, that’s who. Through either constant pestering from their small children or from some thought that their children would want it, enough adults went into shops and bought this, to take it to the top of the charts. It actually somehow managed to be the biggest selling song for two consecutive weeks in December of 1997.

Mr Blobby by Mr Blobby

Mr Blobby shot to fame on Noel’s House Party, a Saturday evening show hosted by Noel Edmonds. The character of Mr Blobby would just run about, fall over and basically make a fool of itself and anyone else it came in contact with. Hilarious. Here was a show that was getting millions and millions of viewers every week and at the height of the shows popularity this song was released. Realistically though, how did so many people think that it was a good idea to buy this. Enough people bought this to keep it at number one for a worrying 3 weeks. Before long the British public realised their mistake as Mr Blobby sank with out trace taking Noel Edmonds career with him. Noel Edmonds has been lucky in recent years to be given another chance at hosting a popular show, having become the presenter of the game show Deal Or No Deal.

Do The Bartman by The Simpsons

The Simpsons is a cultural phenomenon and has been pretty much since it first aired way back in the late 1980’s. Really though, was the British record buying public so in love with, what is in essence, a childrens cartoon that they bought this single in enough quantity to send it to the top of the charts in 1991 for 3 weeks. You want to know the worst thing? The song was actually written by Michael Jackson, yes that Michael Jackson. Although he never got the credit (is that the right word) for the song as he was contracted to another record label. Apparently Jackson was a huge fan of the Simpsons and Bart in particular. The song managed to sell a rather impressive half a million units making it a certified gold record. Do the Bartman indeed.

Turtle Power by Partners In Kryme

Look at the list so far and you will notice the songs have been spin offs from a childrens show, a TV programme and a cartoon, aswell as a song about a doll. Well this song is from a movie. The great, all-action movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A film about 4 turtles taken under the wings of a giant rat, who helps fight crime. An interesting factoid is, the rap duo Partners In Kryme released only one other song which failed to chart. They never even got round to recording an album and sank without a trace. Perhaps this was due to the fact that this song includes the word ‘Cowabunga’ or could just be that they were not very good as this song will testify.

Deeply Dippy by Right Said Fred

Right Said Fred were awful and the sad thing is they knew it and frequently admitted it. That was half of there appeal, allegedly. They first shot to fame with the song I’m Too Sexy, which would easily have been on this list and maybe even topped it if it had reached the top of the charts but it stalled at number 2. This song however did reach the top of the charts for three weeks in 1992. Deeply Dippy they dang and deeply dippy they were.

Chocolate Salty Balls by Chef

This song here was clearly a comedy record. It came from the cartoon South Park so you instantly know what the humour is going to be like. Sung by the character Chef the innuendos and double entendres are awful just like the song. It is clear to see why so many people bought this song, mainly due to the humour but really there should have been enough sane people buying other stuff to keep this off the top spot. Interestingly the voice of Chef was provided by Issac Hayes, yes him of Shaft fame. Now obviously the theme to Shaft reached number one in America but the only song by Issac Hayes to reach anywhere near the top was Chocolate Salty Balls. Now if you wanted to be remebered as a serious recording artist how bad would you feel to have this song as your biggest hit. Anyway Issac Hayes will always be remembered for the good stuff and not for this.

The Millenium Prayer by Cliff Richard

There was a time when Cliff Richard was seen as Britains answer to Elvis. Oh how times changed. A couple of number ones in the late 80s and early 90s, both Christmas number ones were the only way for people to realise that Cliff was still recording. That and an improptu performance at Wimbledon during a rain break in a tennis match. It all changed at the tale end of 1999 when this song was released. Whoever decided to put the words of the Lord’s Prayer to the song of Auld Lang Syne may well have been taking something that day but that is exactly what this song was. Radio stations refused to play it, so few people heard it but somehow it managed to outsell every other song and still reach the top of the charts.

Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice

Long before Eminem turned up to prove a white man can rap, Vanilla Ice tried to corner that market. He failed. Real name Robert Van Winkle, obviously used the bass line to the Queen song Under Pressure for this song but when it went to court some lawyer managed to persuade the judge that there was no similarity between the two songs as the beat in Ice Ice Baby had an extra bear that Under Pressure didn’t. Ha, you can’t full us that easily. One line from the song goes ‘Anything less than the best is a felony’. Well he must be guilty as charged then because this song is nowhere near the best.

World In Motion by Englandneworder

Neworder are a quality band who have written some quality tunes and this one would have been had it not been for a couple of things. Firstlty, they teamed up with the England football squad to record this song as the teams World Cup tune and secondly they let John Barnes sing. Actually they let Barnes rap. The release of this single was always going to alienate the bands fans from outwith England (especially those in Scotland and Wales). Seriously though the tune itself is relatively decent but as soon as the John Barnes rap kicks in you will ask yourself, what is going on? The fact remains though that as a football World Cup song this is one of the most popular and it did get to number one. Perhaps the English fans got carried away with their expectations of their teams performances at the World Cup and we know how that all ended. Gazza crying, missed penalties and England out.

P.S. This article was originally published by the same author on Triond on the 22nd Of March 2009 and can be found by clicking HERE.